Insecurities or being insecure can be defined as a feeling of nervousness or general unease that you experience, as you perceive yourself to be inferior or vulnerable in one-way or another. You may experience the same feeling when your instability or vulnerability happens to threaten your self-image or ego. Everybody has to deal with insecurities at some point in his or her life. Some manage them well, but some others find it very difficult to manage their insecurities.
Causes of Insecurities
Temperament: Just like the color of their eyes or hair, the temperament of people is also different. Some people are reactive, whereas some others are very calm. Some will be ready to any face situation, but some others try to avoid new situations. Some people are introverts, whereas some others are extroverts. Thus, inborn qualities contribute to insecurities
Parents: who are overly critical, neglectful or abusive can seriously affect the feeling of security that a child has. Parents who work long hours or have many children may not be able to avoid neglect, but sometimes insecurity develops because of other subtle reasons.
Bullying: can cause insecurity, especially the kid who is targeted by his/her classmates for reasons such as appearance, dress, race, religion, ethnic difference, gender, etc.
Beautiful images of models: in advertisements exert a great deal of influence in our society. It is not surprising if people experience insecurities because they are plain or unattractive in any manner
Learning problems: such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or being average in a school with many high achievers can also cause a feeling of insecurity in you.
Other causes of insecurities: include multiple residence changes, parental over protection, parental expectations, money, guilt, being in shadow of someone, blushing and sweating, isolation, failures in life, depredations of aging, etc.
Insecurities in Men
Insecure men will get involved in every aspect of your life. Some amount of insecurity is common in men. However, men who are highly insecure do not only smother you, but also overly criticize you and become jealous as well.
He may seek more of your attention than you can give and may want to be around you all the time. He will find an excuse so that he can be physically close to you. You may also be flooded with calls, emails and texts when you are not together.
Mistrust is a common symptom exhibited by insecure men. He may not completely open himself up because of the fear of getting hurt. However, over a period of time mistrust will spill over on to the members of your family and friends. He may even overly criticize the motives and intentions of anyone with whom you spend time.
Insecure men often become jealous when you spend time with members of your family or friends, or anyone else other than him. In extreme cases, an insecure man may also keep tabs on you by checking messages on your phone, reading your emails or visiting your social media page.
Insecurities in Women
Women express insecurities in different ways.
Insecure women consider all your actions as a criticism. Their default mode will be defensive irrespective of whether you have said or done anything.
A woman who is insecure will feel threatened if you happen to find any kind of validation or satisfaction outside of your relationship with her. As a result, she will start behaving in an authoritarian manner.
She can become jealous because of the feeling of insecurity she has and it is often triggered when you talking to another attractive woman.
Insecure women derive their self-esteem from judgments made by other people and not from their own internal satisfaction. They would constantly seek reassurance that they are beautiful, loved and valued. Insecure women often crave for attention.
An insecure woman often makes you feel guilty if you spend time with anyone else other than her.
Insecure women may at times bully and belittle you so that they can feel better.
Insecurities in Relationships
Insecurities do crop up from time to time, but having an insecure feeling continuously in your relationship can have a damaging effect. It indicates a fear that your partner will either end the relationship or replace you for some reason. If you know the signs and symptoms of insecurity, you will be able to make positive changes and build a healthy relationship.
Nonverbal Communication: Facial expressions, posture and gestures that form part of your body language influence other people’s perception about you. This is to say that non-verbally you could give an indication about insecurity in your relationship.
Jealousy: It stems from a feeling of insecurity. For example, you may not like the idea of your wife working with males because of the fear that she might fall in love with one of them.
Being Defensive: Defensiveness is not related to what is being said, but because of the insecurity he/she feels inside.
Lack of Confidence: Most insecure people show a lack of confidence. They may not even realize that they have it. For example, they don’t accept compliments well and regularly seek assurance that their partner loves them.
Treatment for Insecurities
People who are struggling with insecurity problems often make requests repeatedly for attention irrespective of whether lifestyle, meaning in life, social relationships or medical or education issues is the cause of their insecurity. These people often present with several physical/somatic complaints.
Psychotherapy is the best treatment option for treating insecurities. An effective approach would focus on providing solutions to specific problems experienced by the patient. Providing therapy for a shorter period of time seems to work better for insecurities as long-term therapy may encourage a dependent relationship with the therapist.
There are several natural ways in which you can overcome insecurity. Practicing yoga, meditation, accepting who and what you are, learning to think more rationally, trying to be a little more assertive and trying to confront the problems rather than avoiding them can be of great help in handling the insecurities problems that you are faced with.